Chapter 11 & 12

Chapter 11 & 12

Age norms for teens and early twenty I would say would consist of trying new things and discovering the world, almost in a naive sense. At these ages you are primarily concerned with things involving only oneself, self centered. As a teen I didn't always listen to my parents and I had to try things out for myself no matter how much it would hurt me later, I wanted to make my own mistakes and learn "my" way. My mothers motto when I was a teen and even a young adult was "been there, done that." If only I had really listened I would've saved myself so much heartache and unnecessary hardship. When I was a teen I tried things like smoking cigarets and pot to drinking and sneaking out.  Then when I was in my twenties I had gotten all those things out of my system and I would remember in the back of my mind e things my mother told me and d experiences that I had discovered and I had learned from them. I was growing up. When you're younger your idea of how things are and work in the world are so innocent and naive, then as you get into the teens and twenties it's naive and self centered, then as you get older you tend to me more experienced in life (gaining more experiences we get older and learning from others mistakes rather making our own). We value what other people have experienced more than just trying to fit in.

When the younger generation think about getting old they think about possible ailments and problems they'll encounter and some even dread getting old so much so they'd rather just live a full life (hard or go home) in the young adult lives and then have no desire to live to get any older. I think a lot of people have issues with not only dying but dying or being alone. I have seen first hand from my grandmother that when my grandfather passed she was lonely, but who wouldn't be when you've had a spouse for 50+ years? It's only natural.  But after a while so got back out there end started hanging out with her friends more often and making a ton of new ones. I took her to a group that have lost loved ones and they're now her close friends she sees once a week. Instead of depending on the spouse or loved one they have lost they depend on one another. Sure not the same way of course but when my grandmother or someone doesn't show up they immediately try to get a hold of one another. They have a system and it works. They have get together and parties, it's not how I would party but it's according to age. For myself, I have so many ailments and things that generally happen to older people that I am not worried about getting older and being physically disabled. I am working on myself now and taking care of it now so that I won't have to worry as much when I get older. I am more aware of myself now that I was in my teens or twenties.

I feel as though divorces should be harder to get but only in the sense that more steps are put into place to get one.  In Hawaii during a divorce if children are involved then you have to attend a mediation, then a class where both parents go with the children and then at last a hearing/court date for the final say regarding custody.  Marriage isn't something that should be taken lightly and it seems as though a lot of the younger generation don't hold it sacred.  My brother married a young girl, they got married a year after she graduated high school. She didn't have a chance to go through her fun phase of carelessness and she had to be a mom, a wife, and still grow up. She wanted to do all these things that she would've been able to do if she didn't have a child and some things even married. She always said she wanted to be independent and didn't want anyone's help but she always had it, she never turned it down. She always blamed others instead of holding herself accountable. No two people are perfect but I understand that it takes two to make any relationship work.  To get a divorce because of "irreconcilable differences" is not a reason at all, it is an excuse. I do believe that people should try different things to make their marriage work and thus allowing people to see that marriage is not something you simply do for fun. At the same time I do feel that depending on the marriage conditions and if children are involved it may call for a quick and easy process.  For myself, my biological father and mother got a divorce and it was because after I was born he "decided" that he wasn't ready and didn't want to be a father so they got a divorce. For a child to stay in kind of situation I believe it warrants a quick and swift divorce, that and he was a cheater >:0( I strongly believe that children are our future and we need to raise them in such a way where our investment in our children will show as the fruit of our labor. If we are to have a happy future we must invest in our future, our children. So in an ugly marriage where there is children involved we must act quickly, but if it something that can be managed and worked on then pele must give it a try. Even though people say they tried I feel that there maybe something that wasn't tried yet and a look from a different pair of eyes or hearing it from someone else can make that difference.